The past several weeks I have felt decidedly lacking in a plethora of areas in my life. I have not been able to put my finger on just one thing that seems to have me “off my game” but rather a flurry of things seems to have put me off track. It appears that my usual snarky self has gone into hibernation to some far off place and is refusing to return until I get my proverbial “poop in a group.”
In an attempt to woo my quick witted, cunningly cutting Mistress of Sarcasm back I thought a bit of cathartic writing ala Elizabeth Edward’s might do the trick.
It seems that the past few weeks have been all too anticlimactic since Erin left; there was all this hype building up to our meeting, and the time we spent together seemed idyllic in a Camelot kind of way. Now, do not get me wrong, things have not tanked between us, but it is somehow not the same talking on the phone or emailing each other. However, I have honestly felt that something is missing since she left – namely her!
Yes, I know that I need to be more removed than that, but somehow that is no longer possible and when I remind my selfish self that I need to remember my place – not surprisingly, Miss It’s All About Me showed up in full force when my snark checked out.
Now, Gentle Reader, for those of you who are mothers clearly understand that when you become a mother it is no longer ever all about you, but rather all about someone else – namely your children. I know this well, having raised three of them and in the few instances that I somehow foolishly forgot that fact; they rapidly reminded me!
I feel a bit like a Mother-in-law and transporting myself back to a lovely frank conversation I had with my soon to be Mother-in-law – she said she did 2 things well; wearing beige and keeping her mouth shut! My friends, I can only tell you that I do not wear beige well, nor am I well versed in keeping my mouth shut – so it seems a Herculean task to bite my tongue and let Erin direct our course. It reminds me of the patience of Penelope keeping hearth, home, and entertaining the enemy all with a cool aplomb while Odysseus was off on one grand adventure! I just need to find some of that patience and cool aplomb!
The school year has also been winding down and it brings the end of my Heidi’s high school career, which I am having a decidedly difficult time with. We have had a semester of “lasts,” which I have to confess make my usually unfailingly cheerful self decidedly blue. A friend even asked me if I needed a “hormonal tune-up” when I had a mini-break down when talking with them. I wonder if there is such a thing as a 50,000-mile tune up for the hormonally challenged. Yes, well, I will add a call to Barb to my ever-growing list of things to complete once Heidi’s graduation is over! I think it will fall in to slot 273,456,988 – that means I should be able to get that appointment scheduled sometime after the year 2012 arrives!
As for Heidi, she is doing her part all too well in “Operation Move Out From Home Soon” – and I alluded to in my last blog post, I vacillate between a melancholy mother yearning for that little girl that I could draw into my lap to cuddle and the Joan Crawford rendition of Mommy Dearest. I begin, at times, to have an inkling of understanding on why animals eat their young! Suffice it to say that, yes, I am indeed the most unintelligent person on earth – unless it happens to be a day when Bank of Mom is needed! I am thankful that she has managed to find work at our local Payless Shoe Store, however I am just warning you all that I have a budding Imelda Marcos in the making here – someone want to alert the Philippines, please??? Do you all see the correlation in the increase in attempted withdrawals from Bank of Mom? Yeah, I know I do. When she smiles and turns on the charm, I just want to have one tenth of Ebenezer’s Scrooginess!
For years, I have muttered under my breath – “thank goodness for Sam” foolishly believing that he was the “easy” child. I was so looking forward to him being around all summer long, however I did not consider the challenged job market in West Michigan and his trying to add to his college fund and the only job he has been able to find thus far is up north. This news almost did me in, truly. So, practically overnight I will go from a Nester to an empty Nester! This was not good news at all until I realized that I would need to increase my daily fiber requirement once I fall into that category – and with that, visions of Masham, Polwarth, and Wensleydale began to dance in my head!
I guess I will have to work on finding a cottage-like place up north to rent for a week and bring Bria along so we can get our “Sammy Fix.” There could be worse things, right?