I might not wear underwear but I do have some standards…

Hello everyone!

It has been a long January and I am sorry that I have been on a bit of a blog hiatus for a number of reasons and I would like to start by thanking some friends for their amazing and unwavering support. First off, Ann, Bruce, and Alice are friends in deed. They all stepped up to the plate when the chips were down for me, rolled up their sleeves and without their help I would not have made it through the Valley I was in when they came to my rescue!

Next up, I would like to thank some very special friens whom in more than one way have rallied their friendship around me through some challenging days. Knowing that I have such amazing friends truly humbles me and I am honored to count the following people among my friends – TopSurf, Sprezzatura, planetKnit, DevylGyrl, and StevoFC – you all rock and if there is ever a Friendship Hall of Fame – I am nominating each and every one of you. I love you all without measure and I extend to each of you a heartfelt thank you for all your love and support!

Now, that being said – I have some news to share. I had a date on Saturday night.

Yes, I will wait for you all to catch your breath and get yourselves back in your chairs…

I will admit it got off to an auspicious start – I was late, 5 minutes late. I left with what I thought was plenty of time, but snow and hitting every stinking traffic light red did not work in my favor.

Little did I know that the red lights were a warning! As in – STOP, do not pass GO, do not proceed! Well, I will not ignore obvious warnings in the future; trust me!

Anyways, I arrived 5 minutes late – and he was not sitting at the bar as we had prior agreed to do. MOREOVER, he was nothing at all like his photograph. He was bald and seriously older looking that he said he was. The first words out of his mouth were “You always late?” he said this after I had apologized profusely for being late! I let it slide and suggested we move to the bar, sitting alone at a table was not something I really wanted to do.

The next volley was shot about 3 minutes after we had sat down – What did I have against NASCAR…yes, he said it. I laughed, and tried to change the subject to OTHER sporting events, you know football, basketball, etc. No offense to any NASCAR fans, but I am not sure that driving a car around a circle is a sport, just sayin’. Imagine my laughter when he came out with this one, “don’t you know what great shape they are in?” Seriously, I almost fell off the damned bar stool.

Oh… and while we are talking about sitting at the bar – FYI, while I drank Guinness, he drank a Faux Beer – AKA, Miller Lite or some such pseudo beer.

Anyways, back to “The Date” the conversation flowed to golf; which was on the television – The Bob Hope Classic, that is. Here is where I learned that he has a horrible temper – yes, he readily admitted that he hates being a looser and has thrown golf clubs at things. Yeah, I made ANOTHER mental note and moved the conversation on.

This is when the next volley was fired – “I just have to tell you, you are really much better looking than your photograph” I thanked him and replied that was funny because I did not think he looked like his photo either! I swear I had to bite my cheek to keep from laughing hysterically!

Dinner was next on the agenda, and I am happy to report he does not eat vegetables. Great!! A bald cave man! He ordered the side of beef and I had fresh lake perch with ancho chile infused Cole slaw. It was delicious. With dinner, the conversation of wine came up – and he started it, so I felt it was only fair to partake, but I did not go in for the kill. I should have, but I did not. He informed me that he does not drink wine and does not understand people who do. Beer is his drink of choice (or rather Faux Beer – and yes, by this point in time he had been to the bathroom, oh maybe 5 times…) either that or a seven and seven. I now felt like I was in the Twilight Zone, LOL.

From here, the conversation went to foods and yes, he reiterated that he did not eat many of the things I did. On his banned foods list: Veal, Lamb, Oysters, Seafood, Fish, Vegetables, Most Fruits…, and he did not know what Nutella was. Yeah… another mental note and this one moved to the top of the list.

Speaking of things he did not know – he actually asked me what NPR was. Yes, you read that right – he had never heard of National Public Radio – now I am just going to tell you that he lives in Twin Lake, Michigan… home of Blue Lakes Fine Arts Camp – and Blue Lake Public Radio. You guessed it; he was clueless on those as well. But, he shared with me that he had read my profile and seemed to have it memorized – now, one would think that if you spent that much time on something you’d do some research before meeting the person, right?

At some point in time, the topic of music came up and from here, the train derailed and there was no getting it back on track again. He only likes; and yes, you guessed it Country. And, here is where he hung himself – he asked me if I liked Kid Rock, I said, no, I did not to which he told me that “Equal time was fine, on his time, his music” I thought he was kidding, so I laughed – expecting him to join in. I was the only one laughing. He then reminded me that I said I was “open-minded.” I tried to insert that being “open-minded” was, in my not so humble opinion, a two-way street. That was as well received as my laughter at his outlandish statement. Yeah, ‘nuf said.

Suffice it to say that NASCAR watching, Harley Riding, Country Music Listening, Non-Reading men are definitely off my list.

I am back to the drawing board…and it looks to be a wild ride!

One in which I will not ignore the red lights!

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13 thoughts on “I might not wear underwear but I do have some standards…

  1. I love that you have captured the ugly side of dating with wit, humor and grace! At least you can laugh about it. Hope the next date you go on is fabulous!

  2. …you’d do some research before meeting the person, right?

    This may equally be addressed to you, there seems to be a whole lot of things here that I know are definitely on your ‘no way’ list. How the fuck did it even get to the date stage?

  3. Good God that’s bleeding awful. I’m willing to bet he doesn’t even listen to real country (Hank Williams Sr., Johnny Cash, Patsy Cline, etc) and instead listens to that pop music w/ twang that they play nowadays.

  4. You’ve left me rolling on the floor. What a wonderful wit you have — not to speak of patience. You deserve better. And there will be a next time.

  5. Hmmm, you kinda described me…… bald, older looking than I really am, meat and taters lover, I don’t get wine (and I’m not much on beer either). I’m not food sophisticated and I’m not sure I know what nutella is either. And I watch things go around in circles and listen to country music. I don’t read much either….

    But I also listen to rock and other genre’s and I know what NPR is but I don’t listen to it since I’m busy listening to music. And I hate golf and will be happy to chat you up on other sports.

    (I wasn’t her date, btw….)

  6. Well, Kat, I think this date may have been a sign. Like that show, What Not to Wear? Who Not to Date. Pick apart his profile so you can see the warning signs in future profiles.
    At the very least, you had a nice dinner and gained an abso-frickin-lutely hilarious story to tell 🙂

  7. I loved this!

    It had all the classic elements … missing:

    Romantic spark – MISSING!

    Soft voices – MISSING!

    Googoo eyes – MISSING!

    Level playing field – MISSING!

    Witty repartee – MISSING!

    Damn! Least there was cole slaw!

    You’re a fantastic sport, Kat. Just remember, you don’t learn from your successes; you learn from your mistakes.

    You’re so good it’s good ….. Ruprecht

  8. Oy. A man who doesn’t know what nutella or NPR are is not deserving of your time! At least it made good blog fodder!

    Awesome report, I’m glad you had a good sense of humor about the whole thing!

    XOXOXO

  9. I shall just remain jealously happy in the deep south (hahahahaha)- I agree wholeheartedly with Ruprecht – and one day I shall wine and dine you in the manner you deserve

  10. Kat, this was perfect. Well the date wasn’t but your assessment of it was. This date was riddled with BIG RED FLAGS and you toughed it out, I’m guessing just for the blog fodder alone….LOL. YOU have the right attitude and as long as you keep it, you’ll enjoy this journey you are on a thousand times over.

  11. I’m very saddened by all that upset you about this character. So much of it is dear to my heart, so I fear we would not be as good of friends off-line as i originally thought.

    Much love.

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